2006-03-12 - 6:24 p.m.

Hi yall...I am so busy these days, and we haven't done anything too terribly exciting- wait, yes we have but for some reason we keep forgetting to bring the camera...we saw James Brown shake his booty(and he sang too), and we went go-kart racing. It was Mike's first time. He loved it. Anyway, I am sure the 3 of you have been wondering what I have been doing lately. I will now tell you.
I started my dreaded Chinese classes-3 times a week, 2 hours a session-basically one on one torture sessions. The hours are spent with me making a feeble attempt at what I have decided is singing. The tones in Chinese are quite challenging. No wonder I've had so many instances of misunderstandings and miscommunication. The slightest change in tone can turn a well-intended sentence or phrase into something bizarre or maybe hateful or, in my case usually, something very amusing. Did I ever tell yall about the time I kept insisting to a taxi driver that he take me over the barking dog? I was trying to say 'elevated road'. I argued with him for a full 5 minutes, crossing my arms stubbornly across my chest, scrunching up my nose, and thoroughly confusing the poor guy. I can't understand for the life me why he didn't fall out of the car laughing. I guess not everyone is so easily amused. But I was thinking about it, if I was a cab driver, and a Chinese man kept insisting that I take him to "Highway Pive"- I think I would use the ole noggin and think, "hmmm, this guy obviously hasn't mastered the English language-what sounds like pive? Oh, I know, FIVE! He wants Highway 5!" Or, if my imaginary passenger then inquired about my 'fermily', I just might deduce that he means my 'family'. But no, not in Shanghai. For the most part, if you don't get those pesky tones just right, not only will you NOT get what you want, but you also get the stink eye. The stink eye is as universal as a smile. In this case, they are saying, "You stupid foreigner." With their eyes. And probably with their mouths too. In a few months, I can report back to on whether or not this little theory of mine is true. Occasionally I get the happy cab driver who I think thinks it is so cute that I speak Mandarin like an 11-month old Chinese baby might. Everything I say to the happy cab drivers is greeted with a hearty chuckle and a nod and smile. AND they take me where I want to go. This phenomenonleads me to believe that the mean taxi drivers are just stubborn and are either just pretending not to understand or they honestly won't use their brain and think about the gobbledy gook that just fell out of my mouth. In either case, my troubles should soon be over in a few months. I can't wait to hear people talk about me in the subway, and actually understand it. I know they do it. And I can say to them in their own language, "You are RUDE."

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