2004-10-27 - 5:17 p.m.

Hello from the land of rice and more rice! I've had a busy week- I'm trying to get settled into a new job and new apartment. It's exciting. Today's entry is "lost in translation"...
Shanghai's underground rail system is called the Metro. It's extremely efficient, and much more safer (in my opinion) than those big scary buses that seem poised to strike pedestrians, cars, or anything else at all times. Both however, are overly crowded. No, that's not the term I'm looking for. Is there a word for "there-are-entirely-too-many-people-in-this-metal-box-this-should-not-be-possible-or-even-legal-to-have-all-these-humans-so-close-together?" Someone let me know. The metro, however exciting it can be (i.e. my earlier entry), is not the point of my story. It's the "malls" that you have to walk through underground to get to the train that are captivating. Actually, any clothing store in China is captivating, but this one takes the cake. Opon first inspection, it seems like any normal mall. There's women's professional wear, sporty clothes, teen clothes, mod squad clothes, shoes, bags, and then stores filled with downright weird stuff. I did not know that CD cases made to look like every animal on the planet exist, nor did I know that apparently I need to buy one. Every store you go into has a salesperson just waiting to make a sale, just like the outdoor market.I've taken to keeping my head down, eyes averted. I can't even nod and smile for fear of leaving the mall with bags of stuff I don't need :(
I walked through this mall 50 times until I started really looking at the clothes. The English words written on them is an absolute laugh-a-minute. When I am sad, I walk through the mall and read the clothes. How about a nice sweater embroidered with "The dream over", with sparkles on it.... or "Sproting goods fon times..." and then there is my favorite "sweatypie girl". It makes me feel okay that I cannot speak their language, because they can't speak mine either. It's a lovely non-functioning relationship I have with the people of Shanghai.
Mike has become the master bargain man at all these shopping places. You can bargain just about anywhere except for restaurants and nice stores and fancy malls. Anywhere else,like underground or on the back alleys, is fair game. They say that the general rule of thumb is to offer 1/3 or whatever they ask. I am a little bit scared to do this, especially after the several incidences of chaos that I witnessed sweet little Mike Pelino get himself into...Mike has taken to following the 1/3 rule alright, but he's getting a little out of control. The vendor says "20", Mike says "2". The vendor often yells, or just waves his hand at Mike. The vendor names a second price, "15", Mike says "6", vendor says "boo" (no) Mike walks away. Within minutes they are chasing him down to agree to his price. That's how it usually happens anway. Mike got so cocky he was offering what was basically pennies to these people. One woman sold Mike a shirt and was screaming at him at the top of her lungs "YOU BUY! YOU BUY!" while she slammed his shirt into a bag and basically threw it at him. She agreed to his low low low price, but I guees she was mad about it. Mike just grinned and walked away. I was scared. And the best (or worst) was when Mike was haggling over a pair of pants. The bargaining reached a stalemate, neither side willing to budge. I believe Mike decided to try the Jedi Mind trick or something. He offered her even lower than what she was refusing to budge from. Rage filled that woman's eyes and she began screaming at him in Chinese. Mike, being used to what can only be obscenities being hurled at him from vendors, ignored her and bent down to tie his shoe. This is a woman not to cross, because she began hitting Mike with the pants on the back and screaming even more. And I'm sure it wasn't "please come back anytime". Mike said she hits pretty hard. If only they spoke the same language then she could properly tell Mike where he can go and how he can go there for insulting her in her store.
Mike made it out with only a small bruise, and a crushed ego. We signed up for Mandarin lessons today.

?lt;/P>

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