2004-10-15 - 7:24 p.m.

Mike and I did the most bizarre thing this week...I am addicted to online classifieds because that's how I've been looking for jobs. I found one ad that read "Western-looking people wanted. Be an extra in a Hollywood movie. Wear 1930's costumes, meet famous actors..." Being unemplyed at the time, (I got a job teaching today!)I answered the ad. I forgot about it until they called, asking if I was available for an all night shoot. I was a little nervous but they said they would feed me and pay me 700 RMB. That's only about 70 bucks, but that goes a long way here. So I decided to go. At the last minute I got real scared. What if it was all a scam and I got kidnapped? What if it was a adult film? (eeeewwwww) What if it was a Chinese hidden camera show where they lure idiots like me into a film studio then just point and laugh? So I talked Mike into going with me. We went to the studio and found out it was a real movie. "The White Countess" stars Ralph Fiennes and Natasha somebody. He's blind and she's a Russian countess. Why the characters are in Shanghai I don't know. So they tell me I am a "passerby" and Mike gets to be a "reporter." Then they sent me to get dressed. I had to wear the ugliest dress ever ever ever made. It was green and pink and black TIGER STRIPES!!!! Seriously, did people wear that in the 30's? I was mortified. I didn't complain though because they would have laughed all the way to the doors as they escorted me out. Thank goodness they gave me a long black overcoat. Then they gave me size 6 shoes.Heels no less. I don't know if any of yall have seen me walk around in heels, but it is a laugh a minute. I have a hard time in my own size. Size 6 heels- downright hilarious. It just doesn't look right. Then they did my hair and make-up. They made those ugly finger curls or rolls or whatever you call them, and put a hair net on the back to make it look short. Lots of make-up, and a hat with feather. Wa la--Julie circa 1930. Mke wore a suit from the 30's and got his hair cut SOME MORE- they didn't even ask him. So then we are loaded up on a bus. Here's the catch, I thought. They are taking us to slaughter!!!!!! I chatted a bit with the other extras and it turns out that about 10 countries were represented. Finland, Chile, Sweden, Australia, UK, Italy, and lots others. They made Mike wait for a second bus because they didn't need the reporters yet. I was terrified. It was the middle of the night, I was on a bus dressed in 30's garb, surrounded by strangers, and nowhere near Mike Pelino. And headed to h-e-double-hockey-sticks for all I knew. What was I thinking!!!!?????
In the end, it was seven kinds of painful. We filmed at a hotel with a revolving door, and I walked through that door with those size 6 shoes no less than 100 times. If my little .015 seconds of fame actually makes it into the movie, you will probably only see my back, and that hideous dress. Most of the extras were pros at it. The director would give us some directions- (think british accent) "Right, so your in a hurry, Japan's invading Shanghai, and you're worried, very worried." - and these extras would get into character, crinkling their foreheads, shaking their heads, and having meaningless conversations about being worried. It took every fiber of my being not to bust out laughing. Even if my face somehow makes it in the movie, I had my head turned away from the camera so no one could see me in a near fit of hysterical laughing. And this one guy from the UK did not help me. During our "worried" scene, he said to me "So, I'm off to shoot pandas with an automatic rifle. Care to join me?" I looked worried in that scene alright-worried I would pee my pants laughing. It was a riot. I am just not made to express any sort of artificial emotion in front of a camera. I am awful at it. If they had said "Right, so you're an extremely tired passerby whose got on shoes that are nearly three times too small. You're in a lot of pain, and you want to find a nice fluffy bed." I'd have been marvelous at that. But no such luck. They also had unspoken rules for extras"Don't look at the stars of the film or the camera." Right, and don't think of a pink elephant. I am always compelled to do what someone tells me not to. It was so hard. I wanted to look straight at the camera and smile real real real big, just to shake up the evening. I had no problem staying away from Ralph though--he is way creepy.
They filmed Mike's scenes after mine. He ran down the steps of "Shanghai Daily News" a whole bunch, and stood around acting like he was talking to reporters. I caught his eye during one scene while he was supposed to be looking "serious". Mike was nodding his head, following some sort of conversation, and I nearly fell in the floor laughing. He had to look away, and I could tell he was seconds away from losing it. I figured out that I turned into a giggle box whenever they said ACTION! I couldn't help it. It was too much for me to take, all the serious people "acting" all around me. My face and sides hurt from laughing at the end of the night. I don't think I will do it again, and neither does Mike. It was exciting the first 5 times they said "ACTION" but it lost it's charm after that.
My brush with stardom will probably not make the final cut, but it would be kind of exciting if it did. I would buy a copy, and watch it whenever I got sad, so I could fall into a fit of hysterics every time I caught a glimpse of myself.

?lt;/P>

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